Friday, August 24, 2018

We need some Batshit Crazy Democrats


Democrats are just too cool.  Rational.  Civilized.  I know there’s pride in being thoughtful and pragmatic, but honestly, it’s time to get over it.  Democrats need to get a radio station and promote conspiracy theories too.  I mean why isn’t there someone like Sean Hannity on the Left?  Somewhere there has to be a fat, disgusting, arrogant, impotent, drug addict who’s not afraid to make any ignorant proclamation that enters his head.  It’s time to step up to the plate and fight fire with fire. 

Republicans advance conspiracy theories, while Democrats are wedded to research.  Republicans lie and lie and lie, while Democrats attempt to advance sound, sensible facts, that Republicans call fake.  Get over your sanctimonious selves and get with the program.  Thank the Obamas but that, “they go low, we go high” crap is for the birds.  It’s time to get down and dirty.


You allow them to set your agenda. They spew at Nancy Pelosi and you join them.  How do Democrats allow the Republicans to tell them who their leadership should be?  What’s up with that?  Why aren’t Democrats campaigning against that underhanded, lying, four-eyed bastard that leads the Republicans?  He stole a Supreme Court justice from you; is about to shove another down your throat and you say, “boo-hoo, the Republicans are unfair.”  You’ve been ignored, gerrymandered, hacked, talked about, talked at, disrespected, lied on, lied to and tricked.  What’s it going to take?

Where’s the Democrats Michelle “hysterical”Bachman, Sarah “empty-headed” Palin, Louis “asparagus” Gohmert or Joe “bat swinging”Paladino?  No such people exist in the ranks of the Democrats.  And that’s too bad.  Stop being...nice.  Democrats need to start giving as good as they get.  And why not...everyone already says it’s both sides anyway.  Get over this idea that Democrats have to be the adults in the room.  Mock them, needle them, knit-pick, the way annoying little kids do.  

Stop getting twisted when Republicans talk about rape and vaginal probes.  Agree with them. Introduce legislation that calls for ALL women to get vaginal probes starting with Republican wives, daughters and mothers.  Abortions?  Tell them to get knocked up or shut the f**k up.  Outlaw tiny penises and sagging testicles. Go batshit crazy.  

They yell, “let’s take our country back”, and Democrats look forlorn and shake their heads.  Stop it!  You know how to yell.  Yell like they do, “let’s take our country forward”!  In honor of batshit craziness, create an echo chamber.  Remember when their favorite word for President Obama was “feckless”? Why don’t Democrats have words for them….chicken-hearted,  cowardly, yellow-bellied…pick one or two, and repeat them over and over the way they do.  Sing a chorus, make up a jingle…something that will stick in everyone’s head.  

Give them some nicknames.  Sessions looks like Gollum or one of those white lab rats, McConnell looks like a turtle and Paul Ryan is a dead-ringer for Alfalfa. You’ve plenty to work with.  You should be able to come up with something.  They’re a bunch of Stooges led by Don-the-Con.  Are you getting the hang of it?  

Remember when Boehner  used to stand in the well of Congress and yell like a psychopath?  Why does Schumer sound like a priest reading the scriptures?  Get some punch, yell, stomp a foot, drop the “f” bomb then apologize “to anyone you might have offended”, the way they do.

Someone should demand Trump’s birth certificate, income tax returns and high school diploma….over and over and over.  Say he was a dropout. When Trump insists he went to college, insist he was a high-school drop-out.  Demand to see his diploma. Insist that he doesn't want to release his tax returns because the world will find out he's exactly what Mitt Romney said..." a phony, a con-man, a hustler who can only dream of being a billionaire. Play the game.  And play it to win the batshit-crazy-trophy.  

Democrats need a Newt to point out where Romney’s 47% really live...to tell how redstates suck up all the resources with medicaid, food stamps and disaster claims.  Tell that there wouldn’t be so many people addicted to opioids if Republicans would stop catering to pharmaceutical companies. They’re a bunch of drug pushers who have hooked their constituents.  Democrats need a Santorum to...on second thought, nobody needs a Santorum.

Make immigrant synonymous with American.  Talk about immigrants and Native Americans because that’s who Americans are.  Talk about the “real Americans” and “pretend patriots”.  Only unmanly men and barren-souled women would take children from their mothers.  Stop biting your tongue, they don’t bite theirs, pause or apologize.  Democrats need to get with the program.

Go batshit crazy for once in your well-behaved Democratic life.  And those of you who fear that you might lose in November need to flap your wings hardest.  If you must go down, go all the way down and dish it right back to them.  Tit-for-tat.

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